she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
