I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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