I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
