She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
