some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
