dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
