Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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