If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
