Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
