Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
