How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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