Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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