Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
