i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
