It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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