sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
