Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
