True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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