I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
