guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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