No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
