Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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