Welp...herpes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
