My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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