you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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