Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
