she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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