Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
