it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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