Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
