Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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