I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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