i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
