it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
