I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
