Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
