Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
