Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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