My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
