I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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