My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
