he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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