69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
