I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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