mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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