There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
