Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
