What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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