Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
