wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
