My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
