Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
