So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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