I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
