I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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