I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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